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And the winner is.....relapse...

shakifan

New member
So the fever I've been experiencing has been determined to be caused by disease progression. I had a clean scan 4 weeks ago, and after two weeks of high fevers, night sweats, fatigue, weakness, etc....they finally decided to do another scan after finding no infection. Wa-la....there are nodes popping up. This damn disease is so aggressive!

Needless to say I am really frightened and in a funk right now. Since I was headed to auto SCT my onc. is coordinating to get me to Mayo ASAP where they will start salvage chemo and then straight on to auto SCT. I'm feeling so crappy and weak right now, that I don't know how I will get thru. Not to mention emotionally spent. I just don't know if I am strong enough to keep facing this over and over again. :(
 

TomStark

New member
So the fever I've been experiencing has been determined to be caused by disease progression. I had a clean scan 4 weeks ago, and after two weeks of high fevers, night sweats, fatigue, weakness, etc....they finally decided to do another scan after finding no infection. Wa-la....there are nodes popping up. This damn disease is so aggressive!

Needless to say I am really frightened and in a funk right now. Since I was headed to auto SCT my onc. is coordinating to get me to Mayo ASAP where they will start salvage chemo and then straight on to auto SCT. I'm feeling so crappy and weak right now, that I don't know how I will get thru. Not to mention emotionally spent. I just don't know if I am strong enough to keep facing this over and over again. :(
I don't say this often, but BS, you ARE strong enough. Do you have any idea how much strength you have given to myself, and I am sure others? Trust me, a LOT. I am so sorry that this damned cancer is doing this to you, but please trust me that I do see the strength in you even if you don't see it yourself right now.
You're feeling crappy and understandably so right now. You will rise to the occasion, I know it is in you. MAYO is a good place to go, I will be praying for you. You have been through so much already, you don't deserve this, but then who ammong us does?
God Bless, you are in my prayers.
Tom
 

Defens

Super Moderator
Shaki, so sorry to learn of the relapse. You've had a tough row to hoe, and it doesn't appear to be letting up for you. Despite this setback though, I really hope you can summon up some strength (like Tom, I suspect it's in you) and continue to maintain some level of optimism. Hopefully the Mayo docs will find a good treatment to get you back to NED quickly, and then hustle you into the SCT before anything new pops up.

I'm hoping the best for you.
 

caregiver22

New member
So the fever I've been experiencing has been determined to be caused by disease progression. I had a clean scan 4 weeks ago, and after two weeks of high fevers, night sweats, fatigue, weakness, etc....they finally decided to do another scan after finding no infection. Wa-la....there are nodes popping up. This damn disease is so aggressive!

Needless to say I am really frightened and in a funk right now. Since I was headed to auto SCT my onc. is coordinating to get me to Mayo ASAP where they will start salvage chemo and then straight on to auto SCT. I'm feeling so crappy and weak right now, that I don't know how I will get thru. Not to mention emotionally spent. I just don't know if I am strong enough to keep facing this over and over again. :(
Sorry to hear this Shakifan. I hope the best for you with your auto SCT. You're still very young, you'll get through this! Take care and keep us posted. Will be thinking of you.
 

Doulasue

New member
I haven't been on this forum for very long, but I recently read your posts about your struggle with the fevers, etc. and now your relapse. I'm so very sorry for your difficulties with this darn disease and I'm wishing you tons of success with your upcoming treatment; I truly hope it works for you.

Susan
Dx. 1/2002 Follicular NHL Grade 1 Stage 3/4 W&W
Liver Biopsy 10/2008 Now Grades 3a & 3b
Bexxar 8/2009
Relapse 9/2010
Rituxan 1/2011 Maintenance Ongoing
 

andym

Super Moderator
I am so sorry this turned out to be the cause of your problems. I know it feels overwhelming right when we get this sort of bad news. But even if you don't know how you will get through and feel emotionally spent, you will get through. You only need to take one step at a time. And sometimes that step can be resting. And in the end, you will realize that you are strong enough and that you are the winner.
 

softballmom

New member
I am so sorry. I know this seems completely overwhelming right now, but I know you can do it. Just take one day at a time, or one step as Andy said. Believe me, you'll pull the strength from somewhere.

I hope you get into Mayo right away and get some relief from the pain and fevers.

Heidi
 

Kebcreb

New member
Shaki, I'm so sorry to hear this, but you can and you *will* get though this. You've been through so much already. I will be thinking of you, and sending nothing but positive vibes that everything goes well!
 

askitten

New member
I'm so sorry, Shaki.. and so frightened too. I'm so afraid I will be on the same boat after finishing chemo..
And it's so bad that our bodies are just weaker and weaker with each treatment.

But everyone is right - you inspired me a lot and you are a very strong and positive person - much stronger than I am. I am sure you will find the strength to go through this.

Sending you warm wishes,
askitten
 

buzz

Member
Oh no! I'm so, so sorry.

I don't know if you can feel it right now but I'm hugging you. One day at a time. For today, allow yourself to feel how you feel. What you're going through is very difficult physically and mentally. Please know that we're here for you.

(hugs)
 

davidgb

New member
Shaki, at least you now know where you stand again, and can move on to the next strategy. You have to think of it like that. There is story after story on these boards of people who were forced to move from Plan A to Plan B, and sometimes beyond that even, before getting things back under control. I don't know how any of them endure it, but they do. And in the end their stories are so inspirational. I'm confident yours will be the same. Listen to Andy and the others - all you can do is take it ONE DAY at a time: get up, get through the day, rinse and repeat.

I'm glad you listened to your body and you and your family kept pushing with this. This disease is so aggressive at times, and I still believe that there is no such thing as coincidences. It's cause and effect Shaki. You are a fighter, so do everything you can to push through this next hurdle. We're here for you.
 
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Judy_smile37

New member
My heart goes out to you. Cry,cry and cry some more. I don't know where you will find the strength, but I know you will. I'm so sorry you are facing more salvage chemo before the SCT rather than going straight to SCT. It really stinks. Hopefully it will just be a few additional cycles that you have to take before the SCT.

Without the SCT, you knew you were high risk for relapse. It just happened so fast. But, a few cycles of chemo will get you back on track.

So sorry you have to do additional rounds. The thought of that must really be hard to stomach.

When you feel you don't have the strength, lean on us. We are all sending you all thoughts of peace, calm and determination.

((( HUGS ))),
Judy
 

mamapell

New member
Crap, crap, crap....that sure isn't what I expected to read on here....Sorry you have to go through salvage chemo first but they have a plan and it will work. It's difficult, that's for sure, but you can do it. Keep a positive mind-easy to say hard to do, but you must do it. Make a poster if you have to which will remind you every day saying I CAN DO IT.

I know you are probably really scared and that is normal too. Hang in there.
 

J116

New member
I am so sorry and sad to read your latest news. Like others here, your strength and support on this board so far has helped inspire me with my own fight, and I wish you all the best with salvage and SCT... you will get to NED again, you have to. Just keep believing and keep fighting, never give in and you will be the winner. As previously mentioned, one day at a time. Lots of love and positive thoughts to you.
 

Trishy38

New member
What terrible news!

I cannot begin to understand how you must be feeling...and to be honest I am somewhat shokced at your scans being so different within such a short space in time. If I am shocked, then I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.

You are a strong character, that much comes across in your posts. You are also very compassionate towards others. Try showing youself some of that compassion. You deserve to feel angry and upset, but be gentle with yourself too, you CAN and WILL get through this. Like someone else said in their post (sorry, cant remember who it was)...at least you know where you are again...as you were very worried about your symptoms. Once you get your head round this you'll be ready to fight again. Please be kind to yourself.

Thnking of you,

Trish.
 

Scottishgirl

New member
So sorry to hear the news. I've been following your posts this year and you've been through a lot already. This may temporarily derail you but you'll get back on your feet soon.
All the best to you!
 
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