The Dumb Things People Say

[Chemopalooza]

I got the same thing when I was waiting to find out what type of cancer I had and I was planning Chemopalooza (my party before my first chemo) and a close friend blew off my party because she was concerned about having a minor surgery to remove a small cyst that was already determined 99% not cancer - and thought I would understand... I was like HELLO or I actually HAVE cancer! Sheesh

[mkat]

"I don't know how you do it" (said at least 4 every single week and I'm only the caregiver)

I know that is supposed to be encouragement or something, but really. I got so sick of it, my usual responce was, "I don't know how either but no one will let me stay in bed."

[wullieswife]

The one I hate most - and I'm only the caregiver - is "You're only given as much to bear as you can cope with" - my answer, I wish we weren't so bloody strong!

Another more recent one, again from my 'well-meaning' mother: I was having a crappy day (husband in hospital, young children draining every ounce of energy and working) and mum phones to find out how I am. When I replied 'I'm tired' she asked why?..........

[BeanieRN]

I have one that is my fear mixed in with comments (that, thankfully are not said in 100% seriousness)

"Wow, you half way scans were good. Well, it should be easy from here. Aren't you happy?"

These comments are coupled with my fear that everyone will expect me to be all giggles and back to "normal" (much like what it must be like after remission and everyone expects you to go back to "normal") I'm like, no I have 5 frickin more treatments and excuse me while I throw up on you from this past treatment

Also, "you're so brave." I HATE that one. Bravery suggests you have a choice to be brave or a coward. WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!!!! Quit calling me f*%king brave...call me pissed!

[alisonh]

I've heard lots of them. Here's just a few (i'm sure more will come to mind):

What's the prognosis?
I know just how you feel.
My "insert distant elderly relative here" had cancer too.
How do you get that?
Oh, that's the good cancer.

If anyone has some great answers to the dumb things people say, please post them because I need some good comebacks.

[chemocranky]

I was just doing a chemical dependency evaluation on a new patient today at the hospital I work at. During the conversation, this punk of kid (he was 21, but still a punk!) said, "I think anyone diagnosed with cancer shouldn't be allowed to live through it. The treatment just makes you retarded." (he was referring to his father who went through chemo and has suffered cognitive problems) My response--"I sure am glad you weren't MY oncologist!" What was I thinking?--"No, actually, all the alcohol you are drinking (over 1/5th whiskey each morning) is making YOU retarded though!"

Also, my follow-up appointment two weeks after my last treatment--my oncologist said, "I want you to forget you ever had Hodgkin's."

Or, my marytr of a sister-in-law (love her but EVERYTHING is all about her), when I was having my relapse scare a month ago, said, "I just don't know what I'll do if Skye ends up relapsing." (Uh, probably about the same as you did when I went through treatment the first time--not much of anything!!)

And the list goes on...

[Chemopalooza]

Hillarious!! Everyone keep you stories coming, this is entertaining me, plus it's good to vent!

[jam]

Also, my follow-up appointment two weeks after my last treatment--my oncologist said, "I want you to forget you ever had Hodgkin's."

OMG, Skye, that one made me laugh out loud! The one thing my chemo'd head selectively lets me remember. Ha.

[Bekah]

Okay my turn!

This is not ment at all to offend ANYone, so please don't take it that way. When I was teaching down South, it was known that I was Jewish, and I had told a few of my coworkers that I grew up having two lesbian moms.

When I was first diagnosed and broke it to my coworkers my response from a very close friend/conservative co-worker was:

'Do you think Jesus is punishing you because your parents are gay?"

I gave her a blank stare and slowly attempted to convert all of my third grade students to Judiasm and Buddism.

[Rachael42]

Bekah, since most people with cancer have straight parents, i thought jesus was punishing the hets?!

(and i am sorry for the shit yove had to take because your parents are gay. Seems like they did a really great job with you though.)