Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!

[SarahSmile]

Alright, I responded to a thread on the NHL side in which the lovely Pacamom said, in part:

I read on another cancer group message board about the fact that bald (I wasn't that brave) should be worn as the badge of a warrior. Know how some people wear pink ribbons, or whatever? Well bald truly is beautiful as a sign of strength, stamina, and purpose. The purpose...to win by beating the beast!

Today, for me, was one of those days in which it's harder than others to put on a sincerely happy face. The SCT scares me sometimes, I'm worried about how Lorraine's going to do without my support, and....did you know????....I'm BALD!!

I had a particularly "difficult-to-be-bald" day today (is it a full moon or something, or are people just a little ruder sometimes?) and when I saw Pacamom's above post, I told her why it had struck a chord:

Pacamom, thank you for posting just what I needed to hear today. Heading into my SCT after a relapse, this is my second go-round being a bald chick....and my second round committed to wearing it publicly as a badge of honor. My first round was in Baltimore; this time around I'm just south of Atlanta, and I have to say it seems to be harder in the south! There have always been some unreceptive, visibly alarmed/uncomfortable folks, but I am definitely finding that more unbridled courage and stoicism are required here to keep my head up with dignity.

I have committed to wearing my baldness as a sort of medal of valor (emphasis on the valor!) and, while I have a perfectly lovely wig, I just can't bring myself to wear it. It just feels all wrong to me at this point.

Tonight my partner and I went out to dinner at a really busy, hectic restaurant, and I got so many unfriendly stares it was unsettling. I understand it from kids -- but adults? I remember last year, when I was 3 months (halfway) through my first chemo, my partner and I went to St. Maarten for nine heavenly days -- at the B&B at which we were staying there was an older American woman who said to her daughters as I passed, "Why doesn't she cover that UP?" in such an angry voice....I was just flabbergasted! I saw the same coldness on the faces of the women who stared at me tonight. They didn't even respond to my smiles! (I know it can be disconcerting to see a bald woman, but when she smiles at you to be friendly and put you at ease, you're supposed to try to smile back, I think.) I just don't get it.

Anyway, thank you Pacamom, from the bottom of my heart, for renewing my faith in myself and reminding me that I wear my baldness to reflect my own strength, stamina and purpose. Tomorrow's a new day.

Then, later:

Returning to the table from the salad bar, I saw that my sweetie was at the table wiping her eyes -- then I started to cry! Maybe she saw something I didn't, or maybe the stares just got to her, too. Then she had a brilliant idea; she told me that I need to start growling and barking at them from here on out just to REALLY scare the crap out of them. She really makes me laugh!

Grrrr...arf! Rrrruufff!!

Anyway, in posting that stuff on the NHL side, I felt a little homesick for my family over here, and who do you turn to when you need a hug, a shoulder-squeeze, or encouragement to snarl and bark? FAMILY, that's who!

Love and many thanks for always being there and always understanding,

The rabid bald chick (Grrrrrr!)

[bbyblueiii]

Sarah - I wish I had all the right words for you right now. Your family here understands every second of the "bald pain" you are going through. You are a beautiful, sexy, wonderful, sweet goddess of a bald dog. If any of those ignorant fools knew for one minute how awesome you are, they would have tears flowing down their cheeks with humiliation at their behavior. I know this doesnt make it any easier but just know that if any one of those people had to walk a mile in your shoes, then they would know the simple truth - you are a badass bald chick. And the fact that you have the melons to walk around bald proudly despite the stares of insensitive people means that you are an even stronger and better person than you realize.

So chin up and dont growl too loud, wouldnt want you to hurt your esophogus over people who are probably not worth the effort!

Love and hugs to you and your lovely woman!!

[dodgedahodge]

sweet sara,

I just don't know what it's like to be in that "lay" person's mind. I'm an ER nurse, and I see everything, and yes, people are "sick" and they have side effects and as a health care professional, almost nothing fazes me, and I certainly would NOT stare and whisper rudely and loudly for the person to hear me....i dont' understand what it's like "out" there, in the non-medical person's eyes, as I am a health care person, and come from a family of heatlh care professionals..... people sometimes amaze me. If I were there, and witnessed that scene, believe me, I would have said something to that lady.

reminds me of a story. one of my friends had reconstructive breast surgery. well, "around town", the gossip started: "i can't believe so and so got a BOOB job!" etc, etc....but you know what? little did they know this woman had a breast removed due to breast cancer. so, one of our mutual friends, when she heard some of this "talk" let that group talk their cattiness, let them finish, and said, "did you know she had a breast removed due to cancer? and that's the reason for her "boob" job, which is actually reconstructive surgery?" the group was SILENT. people are just so......simply put: STUPID. dear sweet sara, know that there are smart people, there are intelligent people, there are sensitive people and then there are those who lack not only the above, but lack in everything else that is good and virtuous. i'm sorry the world is so insensitive. I hate stupid people. I saw a t-shirt with that on it, i loved it. hope you brushed it off and enjoyed your dinner...did you have some wine? did you have a good dessert? how's your appetite?

[RASC_NY2]

Sarah,
I still think it is sexy. One get by physcial attributes when the words fly and friendships are rekindled or started. You know the two words that some us would mentally use, but I know YOU would not use. I am surprised you are just a little bit bothered by the LOOK. It is a battle badge that one should wear proudly clearly indicating that the battle was/is hard fought and is almost done. Positives your way.
Tony

[susy6655]

Sarah,

I dont post much but your post touched me.......first of all I had Weebles when I was younger my favorite was the "Winnie the Pooh weeble Treehouse"......I was 4 and wanted it really bad!!! Weebles ROCK!!!! I never lost all my hair for my chemo regimen......they said I would so I cut it short...then after my 2nd chemo my hair was thinning and I panicked and I buzzed it for fear of the "Fall out"....it never really fell out, but got very thin. After chemo it has grown not that fast but about 1 1/2 inches. I have been slowly going without a baseball hat or scarf....I had really long hair and loved it and having it short from this was not a choice as you know. I am not bald but get weird stares when I go out, and then whenever I have to show my drivers license they say......."I guess you thought you needed a change from long hair?" I say no........Cancer did.....and then they say "Well it looks cute".....I still dont have the guts to go without a hat all the time because I am embarrased how I look........and I know I should be proud because I am fighting Cancer.....but people that see me and dont know me dont know that....they only see me. I applaud you and others who can go out and be proud....I guess it's still something I am learning.....being single doesn't help I am sure.

You deserve alot of "Kuddos" for just being you a wonderful beautiful person! and my hat goes off (literally) to all of you that display this courage....maybe you could bottle some of it up and send it to Michigan???

My best to you Sarah and you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Hugs!

Susy (from across the board)

[kalyani]

I've already made up my mind. If I end up bald, I will get a henna artist to decorate my head with an interesting design and some stick-on gems. For those who don't know, henna is a natural plant-based paste which temporarily stains the skin for up to a week or more. I've used it on my hands and feet and would do my own head if I could see what I was doing.

Maybe I should have part of the design read "Cancer Sucks!!" Then all the stupid people out there will get the message. Hahaha!

[chemocranky]

I hate stupid people too!!!! What the hell is wrong with people? Not that I wish anything bad on anyone, but people like that really don't know much about struggle because they have been fortunate. They haven't had to fight a battle over something tragic that has happened in their lives--at least that has been my experience. I'm sorry for ranting, but what happened to you Sarah really pisses me off!!!! It hurts my feelings, makes me sad for the way people can be so hurtful, but also makes me very proud for the way you handled yourself!!!! You are a bigger person than me--I probably would have said something very rude to try to make myself feel better.

Sarah, I say the next time that happens, you and Lorraine have a big make-out session, with her rubbing her hands all over your bald sexy head!!!! Might as well give people something else to talk about!!!!!

[Faith143]

Sometimes the outside world can be cruel! Because that is exactly where they are "OUTSIDE"! But we inside,; our family and friends around us are the only ones who matter! I know how it is to be without family. I moved here to Louisiana 3 years ago. I only have my kids and my mother here. My grandparents who mean the world to me are back in Florida along with my friends and other family members. When we have to face the tough times, it makes it easier to have our family and friends there, But it also makes us stronger when we have to face it alone! Sarah you are strong! Only those who share your experience truly know! So when you walk outside yuo walk PROUD!!!!!!!! Because I tell you that very few people would be as strong as you if they was facing what you are! You are a warrior!!!!! So when you walk outside you growl, snort, and hiss at whoever you want!!!!!! LOL... and if they look at you too wierd... Just say "Hey I am in the Holloween spirit!" "I am a warrior" LOL

Tiffany

[jam]

Well, Sarah, you already know how I feel about this. You're beautiful - they're idiots. Their comments and stares say nothing about you, but loads about them. Sending a huge e-hug your way, little sister. Love you!

[kristna]

I went through this same thing at Staples one day. I decided to go "wigless" to a doctor's appt. one day and afterward we had to stop at Staples. It honestly never even crossed my mind that people would make a big deal out of it! Well, lets just say that they needed to hire a new employee that goes around and gets everyone’s chins off the floor. Everyone in that damn store stared at me and pointed with their mouths dropped. This was a tragic experience for me. I was so upset. I really do not know why people are so cruel. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. Obviously the south doesn’t practice such "good manners" after all. Do these people not have any morals?